There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is it because I queefed?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
