didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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