Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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