I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
