Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
