how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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