I hate all girls vehemently.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
