new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
