on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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