he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
false alarm, still single
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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