I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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