I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
