quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
