If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
