she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
