I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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