things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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