It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
