Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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