I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
