One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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