Sponge bath it is.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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