unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
