all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
