I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize