I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
