we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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