Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
