The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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