We're facebook friends in real life
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
