I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
