You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
