Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
