guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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