Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
