im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
