NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
