Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
