I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
