Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
