no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize