there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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