You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
