Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
