In the future we'll all be gay
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he puts the penis in happiness.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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