She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
