take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
