im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
