"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
