Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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