nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
