Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
