If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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