You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
