Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize