Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
