Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
