we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
