i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize