youre lurking in front of me
handjob tips. give me some.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
