i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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