We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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