Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
