I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
