hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm always down for nudity.
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