dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
