I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
